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How to tell a funny joke

Our writer tries to get laughs from total strangers – would she get funnier after a masterclass from Lucy Porter?

“Why do giraffes have such long necks?” I ask a woman in her 80s outside King’s Cross station in London.

I’ve been asked if I can try to perfect my joke-telling skills. So here I am, accosting strangers with a list of gags. I agreed to the challenge because jokes have never really been my thing. Telling a funny story? Sure. Taking the mickey out of my friends? Great. But this purest form of comedy, which so unashamedly screams “Laugh at me!” has always been a struggle.

So getting tips from the comedian Lucy Porter was a welcome offer.

We headed to the busy station so she could observe me telling jokes “cold”, without any prior guidance. To put it mildly, it wasn’t great. To put it accurately, it was excruciating and only one person laughed.

After the baptism of fire, Lucy and I sat down for a quick lesson, so she could indicate where my flaws are. Unsurprisingly, it’s my manner. “First of all, you were unbelievably rigid, physically,” she said, suggesting I should appear “confident and happy” while doing my comedy business. Second, I needed more variation in my voice and more belief in the funniness of the joke I’m telling: “If they trust that you’re going to make them laugh, they will laugh,” Lucy assured me.

Less encouragingly, she says telling punchline jokes is “probably the toughest kind of comedy to do. I wouldn’t do what you’re doing.” It turns out people don’t just laugh because they pity you – it actually has to be funny.

After our pep talk, I’m back by the station. “If I believe I’m funny, they will think I’m funny,” I tell myself as I approach a man in purple denim who, based on that outfit, simply has to be up for a laugh.

I tell a joke involving a man in a grocery store. I do funny voices for each of the characters; my posture is relaxed; I am relaxed; the joke is funny. The man grimaces for a couple of seconds, says “very funny”, and walks off.

My next attempts have mixed reactions. Some people really laugh, and some people really do not. I will admit it was a good feeling when people laughed: I was relieved, of course, but it is also satisfying to know a stranger thinks you are funny.

On top of that, I obtained some entirely infallible and comprehensive generalisations from the experiment that I will share with you: old people do not like poo jokes; young people like mean jokes; only people who know about Descartes will appreciate Descartes jokes; laughing hysterically immediately after your own joke does not guarantee that response in the other person.

Lucy taught me some useful things, mainly that delivery is almost all that matters. I also learned that joke telling is a lot harder than it seems. It’s a real performance, which makes you very vulnerable, whether you are a professional comedian, or just with your friends telling jokes in the pub. Every joke-teller put themselves through a trial to make people smile.

I can safely say I won’t be going up to people in the street to tell jokes again, but Lucy has taught me that if you think you’re funny, the chances of other people agreeing are a lot higher.

Oh, and the giraffe punchline? “Because they have really smelly feet.” It’s how you tell ’em.

What I learned

1. Relax If you feel awkward, so will the other person

2. Vary your voice Monotone speech makes the joke boring

3. Signal the punchline A little pause adds to the suspense

4. If they don’t laugh, give up Desperation isn’t funny

5. Believe in the joke you are telling If you think it’s funny, they are more likely to agree

Take it further

At a class

Try the one-hour beginner’s comedy taster with a professional comedian at City Academy, central London. Learn the basics of a joke and find the ‘funny you’.

On a course

Jill Edwards has taught comedians such as Jimmy Carr and Shazia Mirza. On the weekend workshop in Brighton, learn how to structure jokes, write funny material and polish performance skills.

At a festival

Not quite ready to take on Edinburgh? Fringe by the Sea, the coastal cousin of the comedy giant, runs open-mic nights throughout the 6-day festival in North Berwick, 4-10 August.

These wisecracks are seriously hysterical.

There’s an old saying that laughter is the best medicine. If that’s true, the following hilariously funny jokes should have the whole family in the pink of health, because we’ve rounded up great gags for all ages. We found hysterical dad jokes, jokes for kiddos and even mom jokes that are perfect to let loose with on Mother’s Day. The best thing of all is that none of them are too risqué, so you can share them with the youngest members of the tribe. That doesn’t mean these jokes are dull, though. Sure, some are groan-worthy, because what’s a collection of put-ons and puns without at least a few that make you roll your eyes? Who doesn’t, down deep, love corny jokes?

But best of all, these are all one-liners, so they’re easy to remember and tell even for the littles. Some are classics—like the old April showers/May flowers chestnut— that you might have forgotten. But there are plenty that you’re probably never heard before. So get ready to cut up, be it during the next holiday, at Sunday dinner, or just during bath or bedtime. Because these quips will help you make memories with your kids that will last a lifetime, and that’s no joke!

  1. What did the snail who was riding on the turtle’s back say? Wheeeee!
  2. I was going to tell a time traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
  3. What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
  4. I used to run a dating service for chickens, but I was struggling to make hens meet.
  5. Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?” Because every play has a cast.
  6. What does a pig put on dry skin? Oinkment.
  7. What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum? A meltdown.
  8. My uncle named his dogs Timex and Rolex. They’re his watch dogs.
  9. Did you hear about the guy whose left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
  10. How do you open a banana? With a mon-key.
  11. Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch cold.
  12. What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner’s on me.
  13. Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don’t peel.
  14. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.
  15. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
  16. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? The batroom.
  17. What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.
  18. What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
  19. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!
  20. Why didn’t the melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.
  21. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  22. How did the pig get to the hogspital? In a hambulance.
  23. I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed!
  24. Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he had a great fall.
  25. What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
  26. Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.
  27. A termite walks into a bar and says, “So, is the bar tender here?”
  28. How does an octopus go into battle? Well-armed.
  29. What do you call a pudgy psychic? A four-chin teller.
  30. What do you get when you mix a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a ghost? A cocker-poodle boo.
  31. How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.
  32. What does a pickle say when he wants to play cards? “Dill me in!”
  33. How much money does a pirate pay for corn? A buccaneer.
  34. Where do young trees go to learn? Elementree school.
  35. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
  36. How did the student feel when he learned about electricity? Totally shocked.
  37. What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A Maybe.
  38. Why was six afraid of seven? Because 7-8-9.
  39. If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Pilgrims.
  40. I tried to catch fog yesterday. Mist.
  41. What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.
  42. Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a-salted.
  43. How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? By the bark.
  44. What did the buffalo say when his kid went to college? Bison.
  45. What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I’m dressing.
  46. What’s the stinkiest planet? Poopiter.
  47. What did one wall say to the other? I’ll meet you at the corner.
  48. Why don’t sharks eat clowns? Because they taste funny.
  49. A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Why the long face?”
  50. What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Aye matey.
  51. What’s black and white and goes round and round? A penguin in the washing machine.
  52. How do you organize a space party? You planet.
  53. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
  54. Did you hear the rumor about butter? Well, I’m not going to spread it.
  55. Why did the student eat his homework? Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake.
  56. What did one hat say to the other? You wait here, I’ll go on ahead.
  57. What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
  58. I couldn’t figure out why the baseball kept getting larger. Then it hit me.
  59. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? A stick.
  60. What did the full glass say to the empty glass? You look drunk.
  61. How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
  62. Why don’t we see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.
  63. What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One’s pretty heavy and the other’s a little lighter.
  64. Did you hear the one about the roof? Never mind, it’s over your head.
  65. I used to hate facial hair. but then it grew on me.
  66. A cheese factory exploded in France. Da brie was everywhere.
  67. What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.
  68. What’s the best smelling insect? A deodor-ant.
  69. What do you call a bear without any teeth? A gummy bear.
  70. Why was the coach yelling at the vending machine? He wanted his quarter back.

How to Tell a Joke

Do you often tell jokes when you speak English? Very few students even try to do it. There are two reasons for this. One is that they have trouble remembering jokes and stories. The second reason is that they don’t tell the jokes in a natural, funny way. Let me show you how you can tell jokes and make people laugh in English.

The basic idea is to do exactly what you do when you tell a friend about a movie or TV program that you saw. You don’t try to memorize the whole movie or TV program. Instead you tell your friend about the most important things. You start by telling your friend who is involved in the story. Next you describe the situation. You continue by talking about what they did, which is the action. Usually you finish by talking about the exciting ending of the movie or TV program.

To help you practice speaking English, let’s apply this same technique to telling a joke. Students of English should not try to learn a joke word for word. To speak more natural English, learners should tell a joke the same way they would talk about a book or a movie or a TV program.

When my students learn to tell jokes, they start with WHO, the characters. For example, you can tell a story about a teacher who was teaching little children. It doesn’t matter how you say it, as long as the listener understands who is involved. You could say very simply “There once was a teacher who was teaching small children”. That’s enough. Or you could give more details by saying something like “There was a kind and beautiful young teacher named Miss Applebee, who was teaching a group of twenty very eager children of about four years of age”. Or you could really build up the listener’s curiosity by describing the people in even more detail, by saying “I heard a funny story about a very kind and beautiful, but inexperienced teacher who taught in a big city. Her students, about 20 in number and around the age of four, were all very cute and eager to learn”. You can tell the story like this, but you don’t have to. The first example, though simple, is just as good, and your listener will understand what you mean.

Moving on to describing the situation, we could start by simply saying “She was teaching her students the names of animals”. Of course, you could give much more detail, but this is enough. Just as an example, lets try something more detailed: “This teacher had planned a lesson in which she enlarged some photographs in order to teach the students the names of all kinds of animals”. Whatever you say, simple or detailed, the listener should always understand the situation.

The next part, the ACTION, is a bit longer, but as long as you describe the main points, then the exact words are not important. Let’s try it like this: “The teacher showed the students a picture of a deer and asked one little boy, ‘Bobby, what is this animal?’ Little Bobby looked at the picture with a confused look on his face. He replied ‘I’m sorry teacher, I don’t know’. The teacher did not want to give up, so she found a way to help little Bobby. She asked another question. She said ‘Well Bobby, what does your Mommy call your Daddy?’

Now at this point, you have told your listener how the teacher is teaching. You mentioned the pictures and that she is trying to get the little boy to understand “deer” by remembering the similar sounding word “dear”. As long as you explain these basic things, any words you use are okay. The listener will have a good image in his or her head of who is involved, where they are, and what they are doing.

Now, however, comes the hardest part, called the “punch line”. The “punch line” of a joke is the very last line. It is the part that makes the story funny. You can describe the people, the situation and the action in many different ways, but usually you cannot change the “punch line” or the story will not seem funny. So, you should memorize ONLY the final line, the “punch line” of a story.

Here’s the “punch line” of our story: “Bobby looked at the teacher and asked, ‘Teacher, is that really a pig?’. Of course, your listener will expect the boy to say the animal is a deer, because we can imagine the boy’s mother calling the boy’s father “Dear”. The boy’s surprise answer is what makes people laugh. As with the other parts, you could introduce the “punch line” with more detail. Maybe you could say “Little Bobby thought for a moment, still confused. Suddenly a bright look appeared on his face as he asked the teacher. ” and then you can give the same punch line “Is that really a pig?”.

Be sure to practice jokes before you tell them. Especially practice telling the “punch line” because that’s the most important part. You can find many jokes throughout “College English Magazine”. Find some that you like, and just remember WHO is involved, WHAT the situation is, the ACTION, and the PUNCH LINE, and you will be able to entertain your friends every day.

Help children to tap into their funny side with these good jokes for kids, including easy toddler and kindergarten jokes, as well as riddles for older kids.

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How to tell a funny joke

Most kids are little clowns by nature, but learning how to tell a good joke is a skill that they will need help mastering. While your comedic chops may not rival Will Ferrell’s, there’s a few easy jokes for kids you can teach your child to fine-tune their sense of humor. And a sweet bonus? It’s a life skill that will wind up coming in handy in countless situations.

Rachael Mason, head of improvisation at the Second City in Chicago, says comedy is a kid’s first true way of expressing their own point of view. Humor can also “release tension and help deal with delicate subject matter, as well as conflict resolution.”

So what’s the best way to get your child to tap into their funny side? According to Mason, expose them to as much as possible — and that includes jokes. From super-simple toddler and kindergarten jokes to riddles for older kids, here are 50 funny, easy jokes for kids.

Knock-Knock Jokes

Person 1: Knock-knock.
Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Justin.
Person 2: Justin who?
Person 1: Justin time for dinner!

Person 1: Knock-knock.
Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Lettuce.
Person 2: Lettuce who?
Person 1: Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!

Person 1: Knock-knock.
Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Wooden shoe.
Person 2: Wooden shoe who?
Person 1: Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?

Person 1: Knock-knock.
Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Atch.
Person 2: Atch who?
Person 1: Bless you!

Person 1: Knock-knock.
Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Interrupting pirate.
Person 2: Interrup…
Person 1: ARRRRRRR!

Person 1: Knock-knock.
Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Boo.
Person 2: Boo who?
Person 1: Don’t cry, it’s just me!

Person 1: Knock-knock.
Person 2: Who’s there?
Person 1: Cow says.
Person 2: Cow says who?
Person 1: No, silly! A cow says “Mooooo!”

Jokes about ghouls, ghosts and other gross stuff

Q: Why did the superhero flush the toilet?
A: Because it was his doody.

Q: How do you get a tissue to dance?
A: You put a little boogie into it.

Q: What did one toilet say to the other?
A: You look a bit flushed!

Q: Who did the zombie take to the prom?
A: His ghoul-friend!

Q: What is big, green and plays a lot of tricks?
A: Prank-enstein!

Q: Why did the ghost blow his nose?
A: Because it was full of booo-gers!

Jokes about animals

Q: What does a spider’s bride wear?
A: A webbing dress.

Q: Where do cows go for entertainment?
A: The mooooo-vies!

Q: What did one firefly say to the other?
A: You glow, girl!

Q: What kind of dinosaur loves to sleep?
A: A stega-snore-us.

Q: Why couldn’t the pony sing?
A: Because she was a little hoarse.

Q: What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
A: A spelling bee.

Q: Where does the chicken like to eat?
A: At a rooster-ant!

Jokes about food

Q: Where do you learn to make banana splits?
A: At sundae school.

Q: Why did the melon jump into the lake?
A: It wanted to be a water-melon.

Q: Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A: It was feeling crumb-y.

Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: He was peeling really bad.

Q: Where do hamburgers go to dance?
A: They go to the meat-ball.

Jokes about nature

Q: How does the ocean say hello?
A: It waves.

Q: What did the tree say to the wind?
A: Leaf me alone!

Q: What’s the worst thing about throwing a party in space?
A: You have to planet.

Q: How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
A: When it’s full!

Jokes about people

Q: Why did the policeman go to the baseball game?
A: He’d heard that someone had stolen a base!

Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?
A: In case he got a hole in one.

Q: What kind of shoes do all spies wear?
A: Sneak-ers.

Q: What do you call two guys hanging on a curtain?
A: Kurt and Rod!

Jokes about school

Q: Why was the math book sad?
A: Because it had so many problems.

Q: What’s a snake’s favorite subject?
A: Hisstory.

Q: Why did the student eat his homework?
A: Because his teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

Q: What time would it be if Godzilla came to school?
A: Time to run!

Q: Why did the dog do so well in school?
A: Because he was the teacher’s pet!

Q: Why did the egg get thrown out of class?
A: Because he kept telling yolks!

Jokes about objects

Q: What did one penny say to another penny?
A: We make cents.

Q: Why was the belt arrested?
A: It was holding up some pants!

Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: It had a virus.

Q: What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A: A tube-a toothpaste.

Q: What did one eye say to the other?
A: Don’t look now, but something between us smells.

Easy riddles for kids

Q: What are the strongest days of the week?
A: Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.

Q: What animal can you always find at a baseball game?
A: A bat!

Q: What can you catch, but never throw?
A: A cold!

Q: Which letter of the alphabet has the most water?
A: The “C”!

Q: What gets wet while it’s drying?
A: A towel!

Q: Why can’t your head be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!

You found our list of funny icebreaker jokes.

Icebreaker jokes are jokes that break down barriers between strangers and pave the way for communication. Professionals often use icebreaker jokes as openers to speeches, networking events, sales pitches, or conversations with coworkers.

For speech writing, you may also be interested in employee appreciation quotes or inspirational quotes for work.

This list of ideas includes:

  • funny ice breakers for speeches
  • sales jokes to break the ice
  • funny icebreaker jokes for meetings

So, here is the list!

List of icebreaker jokes

From puns to plays on words to silly statements, here is a list of jokes you can use as conversation starters.

Funny ice breakers for speeches

  1. We both have something in common. You don’t know what I’m going to say, and neither do I.
  2. An employee is getting to know her new co-workers when the topic of her last job comes up. One co-worker asks why she left that job.”
    It was something my boss said,” the woman replied.
    “Why? What did he say?” the co-worker asked.
    “You’re fired.”
  3. A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
    The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
  4. I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
  5. My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.
  6. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  7. A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a gin and … tonic.”
    “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”
  8. I recently started speed reading. So far, I can read “War and Peace” in ten seconds. It’s only three words, but it’s a start.
  9. I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.
    Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.

How to tell a funny joke

Sales jokes to break the ice

  1. My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename my cat.
  2. I invented a new word! ….Plagiarism!
  3. A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…
  4. My boss just texted me: “Send me one of your funny jokes!”
    I texted him back: “I’m busy working. I’ll send one later.”
    “That’s hilarious,” he said. “Send another one!”
  5. What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
    Hailing taxis!
  6. You know what a clean desk is a sign of? A cluttered desk drawer.
  7. My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.
    I told them, “Just you wait!”
  8. Two cows are in a field. The first one says, “Mooooo!” The second one replies, “that’s what I was going to say!”
  9. A man enters a lawyer’s office and asks the lawyer: “Excuse me, how much do you charge?”
    The lawyer responds: “I charge $1,000 to answer three questions.”
    The man replies, “That’s a bit expensive isn’t it?”
    “Yes,” says the lawyer. “Now, what’s your third question?”

How to tell a funny joke

Funny icebreaker jokes for work

  1. Want to hear an icebreaker?
    Fat penguin
  2. Two muffins are in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, “Sure is hot in here, huh?” The other muffin screams “Aaaah! A talking muffin!”
  3. I’ve only been fired from a job once. It was a calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
  4. You know what can really ruin a Friday? Remembering it’s only Thursday.
  5. Why did the frog take the bus to work today?
    His car got toad away.
  6. What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag is a huge plus.
  7. A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The salesman asks him, “Do you want an aquarium?” The guy responds, “I don’t care what star sign it is!”
  8. When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
    When the punchline is a parent.
  9. I can’t take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him.
    I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.
  10. Two goldfish are in a tank.
    One looks at the other and says, “You know how to drive this thing?!”
  11. What has one horn and gives milk? A milk truck.
  12. What washes up on very small beaches? Microwaves.
  13. What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
    BREATHE!! BREATHEEEEE.

How to tell a funny joke

Conclusion

Comedian Victor Borge once said, “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” Starting conversations with strangers can be tough, but jokes can help eliminate jitters and establish instant camaraderie. Once the group overcomes the initial awkwardness, the real conversation begins.

FAQ: Icebreaker jokes

Here are some of the most common questions and answers about icebreaker jokes.

What are icebreaker jokes?

Icebreaker jokes are jokes individuals use to start conversations with unfamiliar audiences on a positive and relaxed note.

What are some good icebreaker jokes?

Some good icebreaker jokes include:

  • You know what a clean desk is a sign of? A cluttered desk drawer.
  • What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
    BREATHE!! BREATHEEEEE.
  • My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename my cat.
  • I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.
    Not only is it terrible, it’s terrible.

These jokes are sure to elicit a chuckle or smile from the audience.

What are appropriate jokes for work?

The best jokes for work are clever and disarming but also professional. While some colleagues and clients might have a high tolerance for risque humor, it is always advisable to err on the side of caution and keep it clean. Though some clean jokes border on cheesy, the humor is sure to lighten the mood without making anyone angry or uncomfortable.

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We know how much we love funny jokes to tell to family and friends. It’s not something we can help. Somehow, people are created as a social being and we love good funny jokes to tell others. Having fun is a great pastime as it allows us to enjoy the moment, enjoy the laughter, and just let go of whatever is in our minds. We understand where you’re coming from that’s why we have here some of the funniest jokes to tell to your friends and family. Bookmark our page and get back to it when you need some funny jokes to tell!

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Short Funny Jokes

Jokes don’t have to belong. Sometimes what you need are short funny jokes to tell and share with your friends. The shorter the joke, the better chances you have of retelling it perfectly for your friends to tell it to others perfectly as well. The world is all about sharing. So, share short funny jokes to tell and share with your loved ones.

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Laugh more with our best for mother-in-law and wife jokes.

What makes fat male penguins such a hit with penguin females?

They sure know how to break the ice.

Laugh more: Funny animal jokes and puns for kids

How do you throw a space party?

Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.

I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”

Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

“Siri, why am I still single?!”

Siri activates the front camera.

I have a fear of speed bumps.

But I am slowly getting over it.

Two artists had an art contest. It ended in a draw!

Talk is cheap?

Have you ever talked to a lawyer?

Funny Jokes to Tell Friends

Who else should funny jokes be told to but your friends? They are the people who love you and laugh with you no matter how lousy your joke may be! The thing is, all these funny jokes to tell friends are some of the best times and moments you get to share with them. Years from now you may look back and still laugh at all the funny jokes you’ve shared with them and how it helped solidify your relationship with them.

Why can’t your nose be 12-inches long?

Because it would be the foot.

I’m reading an antigravity book

It’s impossible to put down!

I was wondering why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger…

And then it hit me.

Why can’t a bike stand on its own?

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

I got fired from my job at the bank today.

An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

What did the science book say to the math book?

Wow, you’ve got problems.

A man walked into his house and was delighted when he discovered that someone had stolen all of his lamps.

Why do mushrooms get invited to all the best parties?

Because they are such fungis!

To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you. You have my Word!

Seriously Funny Jokes

Some jokes are funny and others are seriously funny! You just can keep these seriously funny jokes to yourself because these are worthy jokes to tell to friends and families. Share the fun because that’s what life is all about. Check out these funny jokes today!

Why are fishes so smart?

Because they live in a school.

A woman who is three months pregnant falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.

Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily your brother

What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?

“Put it on my bill.”

Where do cows go for fun?

Advice from an introvert:

Keep your friends close, but not so close that they expect you to go out with them on the weekends.

What do you call a pig that does karate?

What did the gingerbread man put on his bed?

I’m one of those people that will ask what’s for dinner while eating lunch. Don’t judge me.

Summary

You’ve survived until the best part and I am sure you could survive and would even love more jokes from us. So if you’re looking for more jokes to tell, we have more for your.

Check out all these other jokes and laugh until you drop.

Since you stayed until the end, here are more jokes to give you more giggles and laughter:

Want to have more fun? 🤣

🥸 Best Dad Jokes – the Good, the Bad, the Terrible

If you ask just about any women what they are looking for in a man you’ll hear one thing come up, they are looking for a man with a sense of humor. Many funny guys who have trouble getting dates will try and call BS, but you have to think about the full picture.

True, being funny won’t necessarily land you the supermodel of your dreams, but it will make any woman more likely to go out with you. It’s also important to remember that you need to tell the right sort of jokes. When guys get together the main kind of comedy is the insult variety.

How to tell a funny joke

Calling your bro every name in the books might be a good idea for male bonding, but you need to take a different approach when joking with your girl. The key word is “fun,” keep things light and flirty. At least, to start with.

Eventually, you’ll get to know what sort of sense of humor your girlfriend has, and you can let things flow more naturally. But if you’re just learning how to make her laugh it’s best to start with something a little safer. That’s what we’ll be looking at with the 12 jokes we’re going to look at.

1. What state are you from?

Are you from Tennessee? Because I’ve always heard that girls from that state are especially beautiful and you are the most attractive woman I’ve seen all day.

(Hopefully, she’s heard corny pickup lines a lot because this is a play on a classic. The old version goes like this, “Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see.” But this joke switches it up and shows her that you aren’t the same as other guys who use canned lines, you switch things up. If she gets it, she will think you’re witty. If she doesn’t get it, then she might just get confused. It’s a good way to screen girls to see how sharp they are.)

2. Checking the goods

When you’re hanging out with your girlfriend you need to lean towards her and start rubbing the cloth of her clothes between her fingers and say this:

You: Ahh, just what I thought!
Her: What?
You: Feels like girlfriend material.

(You can also tell her to feel your shirt and then ask if it seems like girlfriend material, but wouldn’t you rather have an excuse to touch her? Exactly what I thought, go get it!)

3. The Art of the Joke

You: Why do painters always fall for their models?
Her: Why?
You: Because they love them with all of their art.

(If you’ve got any artistic abilities at all you can have her model for you before you tell this joke. It’s a silly little joke on its own, but if you tell it to her while you’re sketching her or even snapping photos with your phone it will pack a little more punch.)

4. An Irish Compliment

You: Do you know what sort of vegetable you remind me of?
Her: What?
You: A sweet potato.

(Be careful telling this joke if you are dating a nutritionist because while potatoes are defined as vegetables by both botanists and the average person you might remember that potatoes are put into the starch section of the food pyramid alongside things like rice and bread. Just thought you might appreciate a heads up.)

5. Trickery

OK, this joke requires her to make the right reply even though you can’t be sure what she’ll say. We’ll start by going over the way it’s supposed to play out.

You: Want to make out?
Her: No.
You: What did I just say?
Her: Want to make out?
You: Alright, since you asked politely.

(Of course, the trouble with this joke is the fact that you can’t be sure if she will say no or not. That’s not really so bad since if she wants to make out that’s pretty great too. So it’s a bit of a win-win. You can also use this to ask for other, kinkier things. Feel free to use your imagination.)

6. Cutlery

You: I just checked the cutlery drawer, and I’ve got a problem. I’ve got a big fork and a little fork, a big knife and a little knife, but I’ve only got a big spoon. Could you help me?
Her: How?
You: Wanna be my little spoon?

(The girl in this scenario is a little slow, your girl might catch your drift and offer to be your little spoon before you can ask her. Or she might demand to be your big spoon, that’s a pretty good outcome too.)

7. Heating up

When you see your girl is ready for your date to say this to her:

You: Before we go out I have to go grab some oven mitts.
Her: Why?
You: Because you are looking way too hot to handle right now.

(If you really want to sell this one you can have oven mitts nearby and put them on before you explain your reasons. Girls appreciate the dedication.)

8. Nothing but animals

You: If you could be any animal what would it be?
Her: I’d be an X. What would you be?
You: I’d be an X too. No way I’m missing out on a chance to make babies with you.

(Of course, for this line the X will be replaced by whatever animals she says. You can also change up the last line if you don’t want to talk about having kids, but I thought I’d use a PG version of this line. Feel free to spice it up.)

9. Turning red

Just a heads up, for this joke to work your girlfriend needs to be wearing lipstick.

You: I think I have something on my lips.
Her: What? I don’t see anything.
*Kiss her*
You: Your lipstick.

(Of course, you can change the word lipstick out for anything else she might have on her lips, like lip balm. If you are really dedicated to comedic timing then wait for her to touch up her lips and then spring this joke.)

10. Legal action

First, find some post-it notes. Then take one off and write down “You owe $100” on it. Then you find a sneaky way to stick the note on her butt.

Her: What is this?
You: Isn’t it obvious? You’ve got one fine rear-end!

(For extra points you can actually print off some sort of real fine slip and stick it on her. The only limit is how much energy you’re willing to dedicate to one silly joke!)

11. Sheer poetry

You: You really inspire me, you know that? I was so inspired that I had to write you a poem. Want to hear it?
Her: Sure.
You: Roses are red. Violets are blue. You’re really hot. I’m not good at poems.

(Yeah, it’s silly, but so what? The key is that you have fun. Also, act totally serious at the start, really make her think you might be a poet. The more serious you are, the funnier the joke is once you get to the end. Also, feel free to change out “You’re really hot” for any other sort of compliment.)

12. Knock Knock

You: Knock knock
Her: Who’s there?
You: Kiss.
Her: Kiss who?
You: Kiss me, silly girl!

(Yeah, it’s a silly joke. But if you’re a decent kisser she’ll forget how silly the joke was in just a few seconds.)

What makes people laugh? What do native English speakers find funny?

Here are seven different types of funny English jokes. Don’t forget to read to the end, where you’ll find the joke that was voted the funniest in a survey of 36,000 people.

There are also explanations to help you understand the joke!

1. Jokes with puns

A pun is a “play on words”, so this type of joke plays with different meanings of a word, or is based on words which sound the same – but which have a different meaning.

Here’s an example of words that sound the same.

“I went to the zoo the other day. There was only a dog in it – it was a shihtzu.”

Explanation: A shihtzu is a type of dog. But when you say “shihtzu” it sounds like “sh*t zoo”, meaning “a terrible zoo”.

(By the way, this joke is also an example of a “one-liner” – a joke in just one sentence.)

Here’s another example of different meanings of a word.

“Two aerials get married. The ceremony was rubbish – but the reception was brilliant.”

Explanation: Reception can mean the party after the wedding, OR the signal on your TV or phone

2. “A man walks into a bar” joke

A lot of jokes start with this sentence. Then the joke continues with a little story about a man in a bar. But, a bar is also a hard piece of wood or metal, so you also get jokes like this:

Example 1
A man walks into a bar.
Ouch!

Explanation: “Ouch” is what we say when we hurt ourselves.

Example 2
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

Explanation: If you are dyslexic, you have difficulty with letters. Instead of b-a-r, the word is b-r-a (which means women’s underwear.)

3. Mother-in-law jokes

Men often tell these jokes, and they’re also considered a little sexist and old-fashioned. Here’s an example:

“My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed – I never knew they worked.”

Explanation: A wishing well is a well (place where you can lower a bucket to bring up water) where you can make a wish – and it happens.

4. Cultural jokes

These are based on shared cultural knowledge, which makes them hard to understand. Here’s an example:

Doctor, I can’t stop singing The Green Green Grass of Home.
He says “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”
“Is it common?” I asked.
“It’s not unusual” he replied.

Explanation: “It’s not unusual” is a famous song by Tom Jones.

5. Doctor jokes

A “doctor” joke is a joke based on an imaginary situation when a patient explains a problem to the doctor. Here’s an example:

Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

6. Lightbulb jokes

These always start “How many (type of person) does it take to change a lightbulb?” Here’s my all-time favourite:

“How many members of the Socialist Workers’ Party does it take to change a lightbulb?”
“About a million. One out, all out.”

Explanation: “One out, all out” was a slogan used by the Socialist Workers’ Party to get everyone to “come out” on strike / take industrial action.
When we say a lightbulb is out, we mean it no longer works.

7. Three… jokes

Jokes are often told as little stories, where there are three types of people. A typical example is “An Englishman, A Scottish man and a Welshman …” Often it’s an Irishman instead of Welshman. These jokes are often negative about the stereotypes of these three countries. But here’s an alternative:

A Doberman, a Golden Retriever and a cat died and met God. God said to them, “Tell me why I should let you into heaven.”
The Doberman said, “I’ll protect you with my life.”
God said, “You can sit at my right side.”
The Golden Retriever said, “I will fetch your slippers and anything else you ask me to.”
God said, “Then you can sit at my left side.”
Finally, God looked at the cat and said, “And what will you do?”
The cat said, “Excuse me. I think you’re sitting in my seat.”

Explanation: If you’re a cat owner, you don’t need an explanation for this joke!

The people’s funniest joke

This is the joke that was voted the funniest in a survey of 36,000 people.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says “Ugh – that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the back of the bus and sits down.
She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on. I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Who doesn’t love a good laugh? We have become a very busy bunch of people for sometime now. We have time for everything but for a laugh. So read some extremely funny jokes and have a hearty laugh.

Who doesn’t love a good laugh? We have become a very busy bunch of people for sometime now. We have time for everything but for a laugh. So read some extremely funny jokes and have a hearty laugh.

Reading some funny jokes is probably the best way to cheer up someone. They can make anyone laugh and I think most of us know the importance of laughing and being happy. Today, our schedule is so packed that we don’t even have time to laugh or smile properly. So for people who need a hearty laugh, here are some hilarious jokes.

Funny Jokes for Kids

Jokes for kids should always be clean without an inappropriate use of meanings or words. So let’s have a look at some clean funny jokes.

Just after a maid had been fired, she took 5 bucks and threw it at the family dog.
When asked by her former employee, the maid answered, “I never forget a friend who helped me, I gave him 5 bucks for helping me clean the dishes all the time. .

What was the snail doing on the highway?
It was traveling one mile a day!

✦ How do you start a teddy bear race?
Ready, teddy, go!

✦ What do you get when you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the Pooh!


✦ In which room we cannot live?
Mushroom

✦ What do two oceans do when they meet?
Wave

✦ A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”
To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”

✦ Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: Does this taste funny to you?

Funny Blonde Jokes

Blonde jokes are always based on the stupidity of blonde women. These jokes always make the blonde the center of attention by placing her in a situation where she gives a comment that is enough to prove her lack of intelligence.

There was a competition between a team of blondes and a team of brunettes to see who could catch the most fish ice fishing. Once the contest started, it was clear that the brunettes were going to win because they kept pulling out fish after fish. Soon, the blondes got worried and sent over one of their team to see what the brunettes were doing differently. A few minutes later, the blonde comes running back.
A hole! You need to make a hole in the ice!

✦ How many blonde jokes are there?
One. The rest of them are true stories.

✦ What do you do when a blonde girl throws a grenade at you?
You pull the pin out and throw it back!

✦ Why did the blonde give her computer cough medicine?
It had a virus.

Short Funny Jokes

These are some short funny jokes, basically someone liners.

What’s the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?
Everyone can chop beef, but not everyone can pea soup!

✦ Why don’t aliens eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.


✦ What are prehistoric monsters called when they sleep?
A dinosnore!

✦ What language do they speak in Cuba?
Cubic!

✦ Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, one of the muffins says:
“Man it’s hot in here!”
The other muffin exclaims,
“Look a talking muffin!!”

So these were some extremely funny jokes for you people. Do enjoy reading them and if you have some better ones, do comment on it.

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General

How to tell a funny joke

Your everyday Joke of the Day has some competition!

International researchers examined more than 1,000 jokes (from across the world wide web) and narrowed them down to a list of 50, and then 36,000 people voted.

We love the Joke of the Day and organizations that use the Joke of the Day as a way to create a humor culture, so here are the top 10 funniest jokes ever told that you can use for your Joke of the Day!

10 Funniest Jokes Ever Told – for the Joke of the Day

  1. (This was ranked #1): A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
  2. I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, “How flexible are you?” I said, “I can’t make Tuesdays.”
  3. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.
  4. Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: “That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.” “Is it common?” I asked. “It’s not unusual” he replied.
  5. I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
  6. My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We’ll see about that.
  7. A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”
  8. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “because,” he said “I can’t stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
  9. I was in Tesco’s and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I said, “Are you two an item?”
  10. I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

If you want to see the full list of the 50 funniest jokes ever told, check it out here. If you would like more tips and tricks on how to bring clean humor into your workplace, contact us to setup a free Humor Strategy Call .

How to tell a funny joke

Funny jokes are the best way to a girl’s heart. Besides, who does not like a guy with a sense of humor? This post looks at some of the funniest jokes that will make your girl crack into a smile. Share them with her and brighten up her day. After all, laughter is the best medicine. So, if you love her and want to truly impress her, you should try your luck by telling her these funny jokes. There is nothing better than a funny joke. It is both endearing and thoughtful. Like any other girl, jokes are something that help ease her mind and see the brighter side of things. Moreover, if you are still at the stage of impressing your girl, then, you should use these funny jokes.

  1. “The teacher walked into the class and asked whoever thinks they are stupid should stand. Nobody stood up as she stood in the classroom.”

This a subtle joke that will help lighten the mood. If you find your girl a bit tensed, then, it is about time that you told her this joke. It will get her to lighten up and spend some quality time with you.

  1. “A boy told a girl that he thinks that the principal is very dumb. The girl asked him do you know who I am. He responded that he did not know who she was. The girl told him that she is the principal’s daughter. Then, the boy asked the girl if she knew who he was. When the girl told him that she did not know, the boy walked away.”

Sometimes, you need to tell a long funny joke to get your girl involved. Hence, you should try your luck by telling her this joke. It is funny and insightful at the same time.

  1. “I went to get some camouflage pants at the vintage store. Guess what happened? I could not find any.”

This is a simple, yet funny joke that your girlfriend is bound to find funny. You would get bonus points if your girl likes shopping.

  1. “The police asked me where I live. I told them that I lived with my parents. They asked me where did my parents live, I said with me. Then, the Police asked where do you all live. I told them that we lived together. The police went on to ask where is your house. I told them that it is next to my neighbors house. They asked me where is my neighbors house. I told them that would not believe me. So, I told them the truth which is that my neighbors live next to my house. “

Go on all out with this joke. Your girl will laugh out loud if you deliver it perfectly. It is the perfect joke to start the date on a bright note.

Conclusion

Tell any or all of the above funny jokes to your girl to have a great time. The jokes are genuinely funny.

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Kids love to laugh and have fun. I remember the first time I told my kids a joke that they actually got they thought it was the funniest thing in the world. Naturally, of course, they wanted to try and tell me a joke, which was not very funny! So I had to teach them how to write a joke that actually makes people laugh.

Developing a sense of humor in kids takes time. By the time kids are 6 or 7, they’re the perfect age to introduce to the world of jokes. It’s also a good time to let them start having fun telling jokes and writing their own.

So get ready to teach your kids how to write a joke. Writing jokes and telling jokes are fun to do together.

How to Write a Joke

Here are some ways to help your kid learn how to write a joke

1. Read Funny Books

Sitting down and reading a few funny books can get your kids’ creativity going. This can be useful when teaching your kid how to write a joke.

No matter your child’s age there are plenty of funny books out there to read with them. I love reading the Pigeon and Elephant books by Mo Willems. Piggie and Elephant are always making me laugh.

After the book, you can discuss what made them laugh in the story. Just pointing how what is funny to them can help them make someone else laugh!

2. Draw A Comic Strip Together

Grab some white paper and make some big squares on it. Then take turns drawing pictures in each square. Have your child write the script to the comic.

As they work through each comic square they will see the importance of piecing a story together. This important skill is so helpful when it comes time to learning how to write a joke.

3. Play a Word Game

The word game is so fun to play and it really helps kids learn how to be funny.

To play the word game you’ll need some strips of paper and a hat.

  • Write 10 to 20 random words on the strips of paper and place them in the hat. Depending on how many kids you have playing you may need more words.
  • Have each child pull out 5 words each and tell them they have 10 minutes to write a story using the words they drew from the hat.

Be prepared to laugh because it gets pretty funny when they start talking about the purple dancing banana that goes to the white house.

This is a great way to help your kids learn how to write a joke because it will help them be creative and spontaneous. As a bonus, it is a great way to spend time together as a family.

Now that you have helped their creative side grow with a few fun activities now comes the part of helping them actually write the joke

4. Teach Them How to Structure a Joke

Start by asking your kids to think of the funniest thing that has ever happened to them.

Once they have come up with something funny that has happened to them then have them break it down piece by piece.

As they break it down this will help them write their own joke off of a real-life event. This is a simple way to teach a kid how to write a joke.

The possibilities are endless because everything has funny things that have happened to them. My kid’s favorite joke they tell is how I just need 1 thing at the store and it will just take a quick minute to grab. 10 minutes later and 5 bags later we are leaving the store.

A real-life scenario, but a joke for sure. No mom runs into the store and comes out with just one thing.

Their joke goes like this : My mom says we have to go to the store it will only be a minute because she only needs one thing, well that was the longest minute of my life… 1 hour later [insert laughing].

Teaching your kid how to write a joke starts with letting them see them how to structure their joke and just looking into their own day to day events can help write them!

5. Keep a Notebook

If you are going to be a joke teller, you need to gather your materials.

You can start out by writing pages and pages of jokes you already know or even find some funny jokes on the internet.

Encourage your kids to write down funny things people say or do that way they can learn from others on how to make someone laugh.

Knowing your audience is a big key in helping your kid learn how to write a joke.

By keeping a notebook your kid will become a master of writing jokes because just observing can be the start of a great joke!

Time to Share Your Jokes!

Now that you have taught your kid how to write a joke they will have tons of fun sharing them with others.

You may want to set up a little comedy night and make it a special night with a mic and even some friends.

When you teach your kids how to write a joke you have just opened a whole new world for them to explore, so be prepared to laugh at just about anything.

You’re texting a cute girl, but you need help…

The ways you make her laugh in real life don’t work over text.

You’re wondering how to make a girl laugh over text.

And that’s exactly what you’re going to learn right here!

  • The #1 rule for being funny over text
  • About 69 screenshot examples of guys making women laugh over text
  • A fun texting game to get to know her while making her laugh
  • How to make her smile with sexual innuendos
  • A copy paste line for when you and your crush have something in common
  • A rule to prevent yourself from looking like a fool when you’re joking
  • One quick exercise to come up with powerful name jokes

WARNING : Reading an article isn’t enough to turn yourself into a hilarious comedian. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar. And probably trying to swindle you out of your hard-earned smackaroos. What can reading an article give you? Familiarity. Familiarity with as many common texting situations as possible. And that’s exactly what you’ll get here.

#1: Create inside jokes

Create a unique connection she has with nobody else, by creating an inside joke.

Step away from any normal chat, and soon you’ll be having ‘conversations’ like this:

How to tell a funny joke

Obviously, this funny sequence was out of this guy’s control, but he chose to build on top of it.

His best course of action would be to get off the respecting-train and change topics.

The good thing about this start?

The words ‘respect’ and ‘respecting’ will forever have a special meaning to them.

Inside joke galore.

#2: Always be a gentleman

An essential question all good texters know the answer to

What do girls like more, a man who takes the lead or a gentleman?

The guy in this screenshot opted for number two.

How to tell a funny joke

Looks like this convo happened at 02:14 AM.

So it’s not farfetched to assume this girl was feeling horny.

Either way, you can never be safe enough these days, even when sexting.

So this fine gent asked for consent.

Whether it cracked her up or made her unmatch him and switch back to pornhub, we’ll never know.

Holy Tip:

When a woman even as much as hints at anything sexual, most men INSTANTLY bite.

Which most women expect.

So if you don’t take the bait, you’ll definitely stand out.

One of the rarest sights to a woman, is a man who has control over his donger.

If you can be the guy that has his manaconda under control, then your snek will be in pleasant company soon.

Anyway, this article was about examples on how to make a girl laugh over text. So let’s get back on track!

#3: Be rude, in a witty way

Once you build up your texting experience, you’ll notice girls are CRAZY about two things:

  1. Men who make them laugh
  2. Astrology and personality tests

As you get better at texting, your conversations with women change.

Suddenly you’ll be answering questions about star signs and debating personality types.

How to tell a funny joke

As far as I remember, my personality type is ENTP-A, also known as The Debater.

Which is why I don’t mind debating with girls about all this pseudo-science.

If you’re like most of my readers, you’re more intelligent than the average Joe. And probably have a job that’s very ‘sciency’.

If so, you probably know the secret behind personality tests:

The tests seem true, not because the underlying systems are accurate, but because of the Forer-effect.

So how do you hilariously say you’re not into all this mumbo jumbo?

(If you missed the joke, IDGAF stands for “I don’t give a f#$%”.)

Never be rude for the sake of being rude.

But if you can be rude in a playful and clever way, you’re cheeky.

And women often appreciate cheeky men.

#4: The sexual innuendo

The only reason you’re reading this, is because…

The title includes the word ‘sex’.

On a more serious note, this tip is more valuable than you think..

Look at this screenshot example:

How to tell a funny joke

The guy in this screenshot abandoned the usual type of Tinder conversation.

Which shows me he probably knows his stuff.

He goes from serious to sexual in one smooth plot twist.

Giving her a rainbow of feels in mere moments.

What’s the takeaway from this screenshot?

Innuendos are your friend.

Purposely misinterpreting her words is one of your strongest weapons of seduction.

Not only do you make her laugh over text, misinterpretation also steers the conversation into any direction you want.

#5: The sexual unnuendo

Although my writing skills are debatable, unnuendo is not a typo.

It’s a discovery.

And seeing how I’m the discoverer, I’ll give its definition:

When you undo someone’s innuendo.

Did someone sexualize something you wrote and you don’t like it?

And if you do the unnuendo in a funny way, it won’t kill the vibe.

How to tell a funny joke

Pretty smooth comeback, m’lady.

#6: How to be lazy and funny at the same time

The next tip entrepreneurial trick saves you effort, but doesn’t skimp out on funny.

You see, most business owners don’t do their own administrative work.

I sure as hell don’t do mine.

Instead, the entrepreneur outsources the task.

How does any of this relate to you?

Suppose you’re the businessman and ‘funny’ is your administration.

Outsource that sheet.

The internet is overflowing with jokes, memes and cat videos.

If you want to be funny and not work for it, get someone else to do your funny.

  • Find a joke
  • Download it to your phone
  • Send it to the lady that grows your corpus spongiosum

#7: Video that makes girls laugh

A crucial insight that you must know if you want to share hilarious content:

Short is better than long.

I don’t know about you, but when someone sends me a video over a minute long.

I won’t watch it.

A minute takes up too much of my time and distracts me from what I’m doing.

But a 10 – 20 second video?

Sure, I’ll watch that right away.

Because it doesn’t feel like it sucks up too much time.

And in my experience, women work the same.

So, you’re whalecum.

Besides video length, here’s an extra tip to make your video extra funny.

Don’t just send your clip right away, build tension.

If she’s like most mortals, she won’t be able to resist the clickbait.

Last Updated on March 11, 2022 by Michele Tripple

This post contains affiliate links. If you click and buy we may make a commission, at no additional charge to you. Please see our disclosure for more details.

Do you have a crush and are trying to find the best way to get noticed? Making them laugh or smile with a funny joke might be the best way to get them to really notice you! These funny jokes to tell your crush will make them smile and laugh in no time!

Jokes to Tell Your Crush

How to tell a funny joke

Starting a conversation with someone you like can be really hard, especially if you don’t know them very well! Thankfully we all know that people love to laugh even if it is because of a corny joke! So we have put together a list of some of the corniest jokes to tell your crush to get you noticed in no time!

Ready to get noticed? Try these other great ways!

  • 100 Conversation Starters Over Text
  • 150 Questions to Ask a Girl You Like / 150 Questions Ask a Guy You Like
  • 250 Funny Questions To Ask

Do your kids love jokes? Grab these fun joke cards for them to laugh all the time! These are perfect to use as lunch box jokes, joke cards series, bedtime laughs, and more! Grab your set now! We are always adding more to the collection! Please note, every time we add a set of joke cards to this collection we will email you the newest collection. Grab them now before the price increases!

Funny jokes to tell your crush

You seem to be inching closer to my heart.

Because you are out of this world!

Because you’re so hard to get.

What do you call a pony with a cough?

Can I borrow a kiss from you?

Don’t worry I’ll give it back to you with interest.

Because I can’t get you out of my head no matter how hard I try.

Ice breakers are not only for talking to strangers, they are an imperative part of your everyday life when you’re in a relationship. Maybe there’s a friend of yours that you’d like to make more that a friend and you want to make a subtle yet obvious hint. These overtly corny jokes are sure to put a smile on her face and piss her off just enough to notice your affection. If she rolls her eyes, she just might want to hear another one. Humor is a great way to make a girl feel good and remember, people like to be around funny people so learn more jokes dude and step up your game!

How to tell a funny joke

You must be a magician. Because when I look at you everyone else disappears.

Be sure to pause before you deliver the punchline to build some suspense. Don’t pause too long though. Try walking away after you deliver the line to let it sink in and she will feel extra flattered.

Did you just sit in a huge pile of sugar? Because you have a pretty sweet ass.

One of the best times to drop a stupid joke like this is in the middle of a fancy dinner when she will momentarily freak out that she has something white on her dress. The dramatic pause will give her enough time to look before you deliver the punchline.

I think if you were a vegetable that you would be a cute-cumber.

If you know the girl is a vegetarian or a vegan, she’’ll think this is a good joke. If she’s not too swift, she may not get it. Hey if you tell a girl a few jokes and she doesn’t get any of them, she may not have a sense of humor and you might realize she’s too serious. Telling her jokes also lets you see if she’s too uptight!

I’m pretty sure you’re an orphanage. Because I really wanna give you kids.

Obviously you have to be careful who you say this joke to. Make sure you know them at least. This joke will make her smile even if she knows you’re not really serious. Girls love when a guy spits game at them and makes them feel special and it will increase the intimacy between you. If they roll their eyes and walk away, you don’t need that snob anyway!

Will you please feel my sleeve? Tell me that’s not boyfriend material.

This is a cute joke that you can use to let your crush know you’re thinking about her more seriously. She will most likely blush if she actually wants you to be her boyfriend. Try something sly and say it to someone else in front of the girl you like and then look at the girl you like and wink.

Here’s my library card. I’d like to check you out.

First of all if you have a library card, she’ll think you’re smart and that’s extra brownie points. This is a great joke to flatter her and can induce a firm shoulder punch from her as well for it’s corniness but who cares?

I’m going to walk by you again just in case you don’t believe in love at first sight.

Alright so walk by her one time and then turn around and deliver this line as you walk by again. Remember not to take yourself too seriously when you deliver a joke because it just comes off as creepy. Also don’t get all hung up on their response. If they don’t respond just let it roll off your sleeve. Sometimes they are just not that into you.

Oh no, there’s something wrong with your phone! My number’s not in it.

There’s nothing like playing with someone’s ultimate fear, a broken phone. They will have a moment of panic until you deliver the punch line. A good tech joke will stick out in their minds and they’ll want to remember it so at the least, they are good conversation starters. This is a safe joke for a person you’ve just met and talked to for a little bit if you feel like she is vibing with you.

My friend over there wants to know if you think I’m pretty cute.

This little play on words will get her to smile and it’s completely harmless. You’re deflecting by bringing in your friend and you don’t even have to be talking about a real person to be honest. It’s a funny way to ask a girl if she thinks you’re remotely decent looking.

I just realized if you were a fruit you’d be a fine-apple.

Of all the cheesy pickup lines, this has to be one of the cheesiest so use it sparingly. If you’re at a farmer’s market, it may be appropriate but if you’re at her mother’s house, probably not ok? Remember not to lay on these jokes too much or they won’t take you seriously.

Jokes are good in moderation but you should also show a girl that you can be serious and aren’t afraid to talk about deep subjects or tough things. Be dexterous and she will like you more. If she seems down, tell her a joke. The cool thing about these jokes are that they make her feel good unlike a random joke about just anything. Have fun and remember to read your audience guys.

Table of Contents

  1. Funny Jokes for Kids
  2. Hilarious Jokes in English
  3. More Jokes!

Let’s be honest, is there anything sweeter than the hysterical laughter of your kid? Or laughing it up with your girlfriends at the bar? Well, funny jokes in English, be it for adults or kids are a mood changer and we all know how much we need that right now. So, check out our curated list of funny jokes for adults, funny puns, and funny jokes for kids to spread the cheer! We are warning you, these comedy jokes are going to have you rolling on the floor!

Funny Jokes for Kids

How to tell a funny joke

It’s no secret that kids love making up goofy jokes that don’t really make any sense! But what better way to crack up your child with some funny jokes for kids!? So, here are some very funny jokes in English that you need to check out!

  • Why did the elephant paint himself different colors? So he could hide in the crayon box!
  • How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? By the footprints in the butter!
  • Why did the boy throw his clock out the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!
  • Person 1: Knock-knock
    Person 2: Who’s there?
    Person 1: Justin
    Person 2: Justin who?
    Person 1: Justin time for dinner!
  • What creature is smarter than a talking parrot?
    A spelling bee.
  • What’s the worst thing about throwing a party in space?
    You have to planet.
  • What did one toilet say to the other? You look a bit flushed.
  • What musical instrument is found in the bathroom? A tuba toothpaste.
  • What is a computer’s favorite snack? Computer chips.
  • What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells.
  • What happened when the blue ship and the red ship collided at sea?
    Their crews were marooned.
  • Why was the skeleton afraid of the storm?
    He didn’t have any guts.

Hilarious Jokes in English

Looking for some comedy jokes in English? Settle in! We’ve got for you some of the best funny jokes in English. These comedy jokes are sure to brighten and lighten up your day!

  • When I see lovers’ names carved in a tree, I don’t think it’s sweet. I just think it’s surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
  • Girlfriend And Boyfriend Doing Love Chat In Park.
    Girlfriend: “How Much Do You Love Me?”
    Boyfriend: “I’d Take Bullet For You.”
    Girlfriend: “Awwwww! Seriously?”
    Boyfriend: “Yeah, Enfield Bullet.”
  • “What Is The Most Dangerous Alphabet?”
    Answer: “W”
    Because All Worries Start With “W”
    Who. Why. What. When. Which. Where. War. Weapons. Wine.
    And The Most Dangerous- Woman!
  • Since the coronavirus outbreak, my 47-year-old son has been washing his hands religiously. In fact, he said, “I’ve been washing my hands so much, I found the answers to an old eighth-grade math quiz.” —Susan Freeman
  • Two Boys Were Arguing When The Teacher Entered The Classroom.
    Teacher: “Why Are You Arguing?”
    A Boy: “Miss, We Found A 100 Rupees Note And Decided To Give It To Whoever Tells The Biggest Lie.”
    Teacher: “You Should Be Ashamed Of Yourselves, When I Was Your Age I Didn’t Even Know What A Lie Was.”
    The Boys Gave The 100 Rupees To The Teacher.
  • Why doesn’t the sun go to college? Because it has a million degrees!
  • Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors? If it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan!
  • “What happened when the strawberry attempted to cross the road?” “There was a traffic jam!”
  • Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work!
  • I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.
  • Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them!
  • What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck!

More Jokes!

Boyfriend Girlfriend Jokes in English: We can assure you that these boyfriend girlfriend jokes in English will have the two of you rolling on the floor!

Funny Dialogues from Unmarried: Here are some funny dialogues and good jokes from the web series ‘Unmarried’ that will make you burst out in laughter!

April Fools Day Jokes: Check out some very funny jokes in English. We bet you won’t stop laughing!

Dirty Jokes: Now you know what this is all about. Go ahead, get clicking!

Sex Jokes: Here are the best jokes in English that’ll make you crack up!

Jokes on Friends: Looking for jokes on friends? Here’s the list of best jokes on friends to crack within your group.

Hope your belly isn’t hurting laughing at our curation of funny jokes in English for kids and adults!

Need a good laugh? Here are 55 questions to pose to your Amazon Echo.

Katie is a Writer at CNET, covering all things how-to. When she’s not writing, she enjoys playing in golf scrambles, practicing yoga and spending time on the lake.

Alina Bradford has been writing how-tos, tech articles and more for almost two decades. She currently writes for CNET’s Smart Home Section, MTVNews’ tech section and for Live Science’s reference section. Follow her on Twitter.

This story is part of Home Tips , CNET’s collection of practical advice for getting the most out of your home, inside and out.

Whether you’re looking to entertain company or you’re just in search of a laugh on your own, you can prompt your Amazon Echo to say some interesting things. You just have to know the right questions to ask.

Give Alexa a break from turning on the TV and playing music . Instead, let your Echo device supply amusing jokes, stories and interesting trivia. For example, Alexa can tell you Star Wars jokes, yo mama jokes and even some interesting trivia facts. Not to mention, it can also keep the kids busy while you’re busy.

Here’s a list of 55 questions you can ask Alexa to beat boredom — and maybe even crack a smile.

Jokes

Alexa will tell you a joke if you simply ask it to — just say “Alexa, tell me a joke.” However, you can ask more specific questions for a good laugh, too.

  • Alexa, can you tell me a “yo mama” joke?
  • Alexa, what happens if you step on a Lego?
  • Alexa, do aliens exist?
  • Alexa, I’ve got 99 problems.
  • Alexa, how was your day?
  • Alexa, how high can you count?
  • Alexa, what is the value of pi?
  • Alexa, what do you think about Cortana?
  • Alexa, is your refrigerator running?
  • Alexa, why is six afraid of seven?
  • Alexa, do you have any pets?
  • Alexa, do you believe in ghosts?
  • Alexa, are you blue?
  • Alexa, I like big butts.
  • Alexa, why did the chicken cross the road?
  • Alexa, how much do you weigh?
  • Alexa, can you give me some money?
  • Alexa, my name is Inigo Montoya.
  • Alexa, do you know Siri?
  • Alexa, I am your father.
  • Alexa, do you know the muffin man?
  • Alexa, how old are you?
  • Alexa, testing 1, 2, 3.
  • Alexa, what do you want to be when you grow up?
  • Alexa, are we in the Matrix?
  • Alexa, surely you can’t be serious?
  • Alexa, where is Chuck Norris?
  • Alexa, do you like pizza?
  • Alexa, are you married?
  • Alexa, can you sing in autotune?
  • Alexa, do you love me?
  • Alexa, give me a kiss.
  • Alexa, make me a sandwich.
  • Alexa, what do you want to be when you grow up?
  • Alexa, what’s your favorite color?
  • Alexa, will you marry me?
  • Alexa, can you tell me a Star Wars joke?
  • Alexa, can you talk like Yoda?
  • Alexa, can you rap?
  • Alexa, who is on first?
  • Alexa, winter is coming.
  • Alexa, beam me up.

Trivia

Alexa’s not only chock full of jokes, but it also knows tons of trivia. Here are some questions to ask.

  • Alexa, can you give me a random fact?
  • Alexa, can you tell me a movie fact?
  • Alexa, what are some interesting history facts?
  • Alexa, what are some interesting sports facts?
  • Alexa, what are some facts about the US government?

Entertain the kids

If your kids always seem to say they’re bored, let Alexa entertain them for hours with these fun questions.

  • Alexa, can you entertain me?
  • Alexa, can you meow?
  • Alexa, can you bark?
  • Alexa, can we play an animal game?
  • Alexa, can you tell me a story?
  • Alexa, who stole the cookie from the cookie jar?
  • Alexa, do you like green eggs and ham?
  • Alexa, can you read me a Kindle book? (It will read you the last book you downloaded to your account.)

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Morning Coffee

By replacing your morning coffee with green tea you can replace 87% of the joy you have left in your life.

Why did NASA invent non-stick frying pans? Everything floats in space so having your sausage not stick and float out of the pan doesn’t make any sense.

Jack and Jill

Jack and Jill went up the hill so jack could taste Jill’s candy but jack got a shock and a mouth full of cock cuz Jill’s real name was randy

How to tell a funny joke

Greggs

I used to work for Greggs but I quit in the end. The place was full of fruitcakes.

Starting to sweat and feel really sick every time I go to put fuel in my car.
I think I might have car owner virus.

Tradition

Tradition = Peer pressure from dead people

  • Animal Jokes (188)
  • Dirty Jokes (497)
  • Disabled Jokes (118)
  • General Jokes (627)
  • Pick Up Lines (248)
  • Political Jokes (206)
  • Racist Jokes (322)
  • Relationship Jokes (437)
  • Religious Jokes (123)
  • Sports Jokes (46)
  • Surreal Jokes (169)
  • Yo Mama Jokes (155)
  1. Tradition (+26)
  2. Jack and Jill (+20)
  3. Covid Joke (+12)
  4. Thesaurus (+11)
  5. Girlfriend Birthday (+9)
  6. Kid (+9)
  7. Invisible Man (+8)
  8. Charges (+8)
  9. Dirty Cat (+8)
  10. Double Jab Mask (+8)

After conducting an extensive survey I discovered the 3 most concerning things that the average person struggles with on a daily basis.

1. Money
2. Health
3. Inability to find a website with good funny short jokes.

Updated on May 24, 2022 ;

Published on Apr 26, 2021

Updated on May 24, 2022 ;

Published on Apr 26, 2021

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Funny big forehead jokes and forehead puns make for the best of roast humor.

However, with these forehead roasts, we can always use big head comebacks that are equally funny. Only when you get a good comeback, would the jokes about big foreheads be really funny.

Yet, we must see to it that a big forehead joke or some big forehead nicknames are respectful and do not cross the line. We should only be making fun of our friends and family by telling these large forehead jokes or big head jokes, but we must be cautious as to never bully someone.

Sometimes, we call people foreheads when they have done an act of stupidity and carelessness. The term ‘forehead’ is also used in good humor to denote people who aren’t that smart. Big foreheads can suit a person very well and may even add to a person’s personality.

Plenty of people throughout pop culture have been subjected to huge forehead jokes. Many loved celebrities like Rihanna have a big forehead, while pop culture characters like the Red Queen from ‘Alice in Wonderland’ and the DC Comics villain Hector Hammond all have big foreheads!

If you are looking to read more such articles, take a look at Hair Puns and Foot Puns.

Funny Forehead Jokes & Comebacks

Here are some of the best forehead jokes that you will also find great. We are pretty sure that others will like them too:

1. I was walking down the school corridor when someone commented that my forehead was so big that I probably see all my dreams in IMAX!

I replied, “At least I get to see all the 3D movies free of cost!”

2. There was a boy in my neighborhood who used to make fun of my sister’s big forehead. He once said, “Your forehead is so big that you will never run out of money, as you will always have more than enough space to rent out spots for parking!”

My sister replied back sassily, “Of course, and I will see to it that I will leave a spot for you for a fee!”

3. My classmate once remarked, “Misha, you have such a big forehead that it is a wonder you haven’t been asked to play the role of the Red Queen in ‘Alice in Wonderland’ because you exactly look like her!”

To which I replied, “Actually I was asked. Too bad it didn’t work out. But, hey! I at least got to meet Johnny Depp!”

4. I was in my physics class when this boy kept staring at me. I asked what he was looking at. He said he wasn’t looking at me per se but at my big forehead. He remarked, “Your forehead is so big that I was wondering whether it was a human forehead or the moon!”

I was ready and prepared with a comeback, “Well, you know, there is a reason why NASA is interested in me!”

5. Betty one day casually remarked, “You know Stephanie, your forehead is so big that if Michaelangelo ever started painting frescoes on your forehead it would take him four years to complete it!”

Stephanie wittily countered, “Well, at least, then I would be a work of art!”

Here at Kidadl, we have carefully created lots of great family-friendly jokes for everyone to enjoy! If you liked our suggestions for Big Forehead Jokes, then why not take a look at British Jokes, or Blood Puns.

How to tell a funny joke

I was teaching a weekend writing workshop. It’s 2-days packed with comedy writing concepts.

At the beginning of that workshop, I explain that there are 3 types of comedians; the “coincidental,” “architect,” and “humorost.”

It’s too detailed for this post to go into each one, but in a nutshell the coincidental comedian sees something, reads something or hears something and turns it into a joke in that moment.

We all do this, but the problem with being a coincidental comedian is that we have to wait for that coincidence to occur in order to come up with material.

Why is that a problem? Because sometimes it’s a while between coincidences. Have you ever gone days or weeks without writing a joke?

It can be deflating. You begin to wonder if you’re funny anymore… or if you ever were…

“Have I been kidding myself this whole time?”

So this one guy sitting in my class looked familiar. Then I looked at the roster at his name. He was a comedian I had started with back in my open mic days.
He was ahead of me back then (had more experience) and I was always a big fan of his and his clever material. It was all observational comedy.

At the lunch break he asked if he could buy me lunch (hint for anyone who sits in my 2-Day Writing Workshop) 🙂

We caught up a bit. He had been working full time as a cruise ship comedian. But what struck me was that he said, that, sitting in my workshop, for the first time in years his head was buzzing with creativity and ideas.

He said he already wrote a ton of jokes this morning and has many more ideas that just need to be formed!

He was abuzz with energy and excitement.

He said to me, “All this time, I’ve been a coincidental comedian. And now I feel like I can write jokes any time I want, because I finely feel like I understand what makes a joke funny!

And this was day one of the workshop!

So what changed?

What changed with this comedian who had been doing comedy for 25+ years professionally that finally made him feel like he now had the ability to write jokes at will?

He finally understood WHY.

He finally understood why people laugh.
and what makes a joke “funny.”

Now some of you may read this and think, you can’t know what makes a joke funny! It either is or it isn’t. (Yes, I’ve heard that argument.)

I assure you you can. (at least with high odds). George Carlin said to me that he knew with 98 percent accuracy that a joke was funny before he took the stage. When I asked how he knew that he said, “because it contains all the elements necessary for a joke to be funny.”

Identifying the Laughter Triggers

I’ve spent my life identifying those elements Carlin spoke about and cataloguing them so they can be taught and people can learn to use them to apply in their stories and their jokes.

I call these elements “Laughter Triggers.” They are hard-wired into the human psyche. They are:

  1. Surprise
  2. Superiority
  3. Embarrassment
  4. Incongruity
  5. Recognition
  6. Release
  7. Configurational
  8. Ambivalence
  9. Coincidence

Many jokes use one of these laughter triggers. But most good jokes contain 2 or more of these triggers.

As an example, let’s take this Chris Rock joke:

You know the stripper myth? There’s a stripper myth, that’s being perpetuated throughout society. The myth is, “I’m strippin’ to pay my tuition.” No you’re not! There’s no strippers in college! There’s no clear heels in biology! S—, man. I didn’t know they had a college that only took one-dollar bills. And if they got so many strippers at college, how come I never got a smart lap dance? I never got a girl that sat on my lap and said, “If I was you, I would diversify my portfolio. You know, ever since the end of the Cold War, I find NATO obsolete.”

It’s a funny bit that get’s laughs both by him telling the story and in him “acting out” the stripper.

The laughter triggers included are recognition, embarrassment, incongruity, superiority, surprise and coincidence.

Let’s break that down a little bit.

But first, please understand that there’s not ONE way to deconstruct comedy. But this is one way that you can use to help you identify the stimuli necessary to get a laugh in a joke, even when told as a story, like with this example.

On with the deconstruction:

1. RECOGNITION is present in this joke because he’s talking about a stripper, most of us have seen a stripper (either in person or on TV) so we’re familiar with them and the image is in our heads.

2. EMBARRASSMENT is also present since we’re talking about a subject (strippers) that we probably don’t talk to everyone about, especially in public.

3. INCONGRUITY… by Rock introducing the concept of the stripper going to college, he’s revealed a contrasting element and that is the essence of incongruity. Once that second element is introduced you can now take elements from the subject of stripper and juxtapose them with the elements of college. Combining the two elements gives us the humorous premise of a stripper in college.

Keep in mind that incongruity is not just a laughter trigger it is also a comedy structure. (There are 13 Comedy Structures). And that’s the exact structure that Rock used to tell this story. Once he introduced the stripper being in college that incongruity structure makes the audience want the comedian to tell us how that is going to work.

In addition, because we don’t normally perceive a stripper going to college but in Rock’s scenario she says she is there is also…

4. SURPRISE that is present.

Since every joke is a veiled attack. Rock is attacking the concept of a stripper being in college. The audience not only recognizes the scenario and is a little embarrassed by it, but that means

5. SUPERIORITY is present because the audience feels superior to the stripper because the joke is on her.

6. COINCIDENCE is ever present in this scenario, as it is in most incongruous (or associative) jokes. Putting two ideas and stating what results and / or acting them out usually makes the audience saying something to themselves like, “Wow! I never thought about it that way that’s so true! What a coincidence!

This is what makes Chris Rock such an excellent comedian. In one joke he is using 6 stimuli to trigger the laughs in the joke.

There’s a ton of possibilities when you use this technique of incongruity to create a premise.

But this is only the beginning when it comes to making the jokes work. You also have to apply structure. That’s something I will cover in another article.

Or you can always take a class to learn or further develop your comedy writing skill set.

Learning these concept will help you put together jokes like the one above from Chris Rock.

Which is exactly what George Carlin meant when he said he knows a joke is funny because it contains all the elements necessary for a joke to be funny. When you have one laughter trigger in your joke it has the chance of being funny, when you have 6 laughter triggers present, it has a “98 percent chance” of being funny.

Jerry Corley is a professional comedian of nearly 30 years, working nearly every venue imaginable.

Whichever type of humor you may enjoy the most, there is something special about stupid jokes that makes all of us so fond of them.

It seems that some carry a very peculiar characteristic – the worse and stupider they get, the harder and louder we laugh! You know the kind we are talking about, and we also know you love telling them.

Not many things are as amusing as seeing your friends unsuccessfully try to hold in the laughter as you tell them the most horrible joke in the world. We are helping you build a repertoire of these that will last for ages.

Without further ado, let’s dive into our list of 17, without any doubt, funniest stupid jokes that you have to remember for the next time you run into a friend.

Stupid Puns That Are Actually Funny

You know that a good pun does not exist. The question is: which ones are bad enough to make you laugh?

We chose these six that your friends will absolutely hate, and that means – they are perfect.

If I’m going to be frank, I’d have to change my name.

What has anxiety at the bottom of the ocean?

A nervous wreck.

How did the picture end up in jail?

This girl thought she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’ve never met herbivore.

Thanks for explaining the word ‘ many’ to me. It means a lot.

Who is the penguin’s favorite aunt?

Wordplay Jokes to Remember

Wordplay jokes are very similar to puns, but they offer a bit more freedom. Let’s dive into our favorite picks in this category.

What’s about a foot long and slippery?

I got fired from my job at the calendar factory. I took a day off.

Does Santa pay for parking?

No, it’s on the house.

What do you see when a duck bends over?

I got fired from the orange juice factory. I just couldn’t concentrate.

Why do seals swim in saltwater?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

I usually tell dad jokes. Most of the time, he laughs.

The Most Stupid Jokes on This List

We hope that all of the jokes so far have been stupid enough to make you laugh. However, who says that there is a limit to how dumb a joke can get?

We strongly believe that sky is the limit for stupidity, so let’s keep having fun with more horrible jokes.

Did you hear that people in Dubai don’t like The Flinstones?

But the people in Abu Dhabi Dooooo!

What’s blue and smells like red paint?

What’s red and bad for your teeth?

Why is the dark spelled with a K and not a C ?

Because you can’t C in the dark.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

What don’t ants get sick?

They have anty-bodies.

Why don’t crabs donate?

Because they’re shellfish.

Our Absolute Favorites

We are ending our list with our favorite picks amongst these jokes. These are the jokes we love retelling and seeing people’s reactions when they hear them. Spoiler – it’s never a boring one.

What is the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is very heavy, and the other one is a little lighter.

Why are seagulls called seagulls?

Because if they flew over bays, they’d be bagels.

Why do blind people hate skydiving?

It scares the hell out of their dogs.

An American is trying to pick up UK chicks in a bar.

“Hey, are you girls from England?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you whales from England?”

When life gives you melons, you know you have dyslexia.

What’s the scariest word in nuclear physics?

What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?

Your Turn

Do you have any stupid jokes that you adore?

Please write it down in the comments below right away!

Have you ever gotten a call from somebody that you really didn’t want to talk to? Have you ever had the awful feeling of snubbing someone or rejecting their call? If so, if you don’t want to be that person again, take a look at these hilarious ways to answer the phone with humor. They are sure to make people laugh out loud and put them in a good mood as well!

You don’t have to be in-person with the person you’re talking to to make them laugh. With these quick, easy, and hilarious call-backs, even the most introverted person will find a way to become more extroverted.

  1. “Hello, this is your doctor speaking.”
  2. “Oh, hi there. What do you think of my new hair?”
  3. “I’m sorry if I kept you waiting, but I was doing my crossword puzzle.”
  4. “Typos happen.”
  5. “This isn’t a real phone number.”
  6. “Department of Redundancy Department.”
  7. “This is a joke and you’re not funny.”
  8. “Wanna hear a joke?”
  9. “Hello!”- Yes, they’re talking to you!
  10. “No, that was my wife” – Just kidding! It’s your boss!
  11. “We can actually talk about this over Twitter?” – In other words…
  12. “You must be from out of town.” – I guess that makes sense
  13. “I’m sorry, who?”- That’s right. You’re invisible
  14. “What do you want?”- Oh.
  15. “911, what’s your emergency?”
  16. “Ooooooh, it’s a lady.”
  17. “You are gonna be my new phone buddy.”
  18. “You have to say the magic word!”
  19. “Is this the mayor’s office?”
  20. “What color is this dress?”
  21. BURP!
  22. Laugh like crazy ““Hee Hee Huu Huu Haa Haa.”
  23. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m quite sure you’re not a woman.”
  24. “How did you get this number?”
  25. “We have a very strict policy about our employees giving out personal information.”
  26. “Are you having a bad day?”
  27. “What are your thoughts on mimes?”
  28. “Exactly what the hell would you like?”
  29. “If I hear one more word from you I’m going to start throwing things at the wall.”
  30. “It sounds like you’re talking through your armpits.”
  31. “Just another day in paradise!”

Compliment someone else

One of the best ways to start a conversation is complimenting someone. As soon as you compliment someone, their mood changes and they’re more willing to engage in conversation. In addition to being funny, this also shows that you’re interested in the person you’re talking to.

You can compliment someone while on the phone by saying something like “Hey, I love your shirt” or “Your hair looks great today”.

Know what people want to hear

The best way to make someone laugh is to be funny. And the best way to be funny is to know what people want to hear—familiarity breeds humor.

So, before you answer the phone, pay attention. What do people find funny? Pick up some cartoons on your phone or go online for some jokes and try them out. You might find that something that doesn’t make you laugh at first makes sense when you’re telling it over the phone.

And even if someone calls you from a number you don’t recognize, listen to what they say first before answering. There may be something familiar in their conversation that makes them sound like an old friend asking for a favor rather than a telemarketer.

The first thing you should know is that people like to hear their problem solved. If you want to make someone laugh, start off with some witty solution to a common problem.

You can also do something different and say things like: “I’m not your mother,” or “I don’t speak Spanish.”

Talk about something you know well

If you want to make someone laugh, one of the easiest ways to do it is by telling a personal story. It’s something that’s unique to your life, and they might not have heard it before.

But sometimes it can be hard to think of something funny to say on the phone. If you find yourself struggling for a good call-in joke, try talking about something you know well. Whether that be a topic in your work or personal life, or even just a hobby, it will make you more relatable and more likely to hear laughter coming from the other end of the line.

Want an easy example? Let’s say you’re talking with your friend about their latest trip abroad. Ask them if they had any trouble getting around and share something that happened to you when you were in another country. Remember what it was like navigating on public transportation in Istanbul? Or how you always got lost in Venice? They’ll remember those moments too … and laugh with you!

Say funny things about yourself and make fun of yourself (joke about being an introvert)

When you answer the phone, it’s never a good idea to start with a serious tone. Instead, try making fun of yourself and make people laugh.

For example, if you’re an introvert, tell them that you’ve been on social media for three hours just to work up the courage to call them. If you are sporty, say something like “I’m sorry I smell like a running shoe.” It’s always easy to be creative about your personal attributes and use them as the basis for humor.

The best part is that it doesn’t have to take long for you to consider new jokes—you could always come up with funny things about yourself in five seconds or less.

Keep it short, sweet, and to the point

When you answer your phone, you’re probably feeling rushed and only have a few seconds to make a good impression. In this case, it’s important to keep your conversation short and sweet.

The most important thing to remember when you answer the phone is that it’s not as easy as it looks. Sure, you can say something funny and make people laugh, but that’s not what a phone call is for.

A phone call is for sharing information with a valuable contact such as your boss or client. It’s about letting them know what’s going on in your life and making sure they’re aware of everything that has been happening recently.

If you have any questions about the person on the other end of the line or if there’s anything else you need to discuss, feel free to do so at that time. Chief among these things, however, should be good manners. So keep your call short, sweet, and to the point so that you don’t come across as someone who doesn’t know how to act with others.

It can be hard to be funny, especially when you’re on the phone. If you want to make someone laugh, there are plenty of hilarious ways to do it that might not even cross your mind.